I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
