ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
