Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
