you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
