if only i could text you this smell
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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