I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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