She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is my gift to your gina
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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