Duck Duck Cougar?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
