12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
