made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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