I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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