That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
