you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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