Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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