its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
