thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
