So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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