as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
