I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
