Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
