Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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