I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What a dumb baby whore.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
