Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
