We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize