How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
