Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
