The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
