she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
