i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This baby is an asshole
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
