is your mom at the bar?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
