Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
