"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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