I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
