I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
