More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think my vagina is haunted
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize