You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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