Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
