buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
