i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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