Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
