Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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