I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
