Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
