im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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