What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
