I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
