i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
