RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
