If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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