for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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