Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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