I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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