he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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