sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize