My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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