Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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