I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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