She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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