..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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