No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
