Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
