Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
