Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
