i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
