I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Enjoy the penises
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
