Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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