I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
