they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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