It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
