You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
