is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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