i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
