We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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